August 6, 2020

The Company We Keep: So, this is 30?

The Company We Keep is a column on the CN&CO blog that profiles some of the most interesting people in our networks. Here we share the details of the lives of people we know, showcasing the extraordinary diversity of our society and proving that people truly are at the heart of everything we do. In this feature our Francois Joubert talks about himself and turning 30

Over Christmas lunch, circa 2009, my homophobic uncle (who will be left anonymous as naming and shaming is such a thing to do in your twenties) made a bold statement to the entire family present.  He said, and I quote: “Ja, shame, Francois will probably live with his parents forever and depend on their money and won’t amount to anything”.  Now, growing up as pure bred wasps, we listened to him finish what he then brushed off as a feeble attempt at a joke, we swallowed our food heavily and just kept quiet.  Cut to my aunt commenting on how delicious the potato salad turned out this year.

So, now, here I am.  It’s the month of August (my birthday month) and I thought to share with you the company I’ve kept for the last 30 years: me.

Growing up in a small town (which majority of people I meet can’t locate on a map) came with it’s challenges. It was even more challenging growing up in a small town that overtly marginalised me due me being a proud queer male. Homophobic peers, adults and, yes, even family members where synonymous with me challenging the status quo of what was, and still is, expected of a white, Afrikaans male in this small town. And these people made sure I felt marginalised and would amount to nothing more than the otherness I chose to follow.

Luckily, I was raised by parents and an older sister whom celebrated my differences and allowed to be and explore the grey areas even though they didn’t always understand. I am truly fortunate with having a solid support system that I could turn to when the punches were thrown my way. They would help bandage me up, nurture the wounds and remind me to grow from this and that I am more than punches common belief from the status quo.

On the morning of my 30th birthday (which is today), I couldn’t help but replay the last 30 years of my existence and the subsequent challenges and struggles through my head- specifically that Christmas lunch in 2010. I mourned my youth because in ‘gay-years’ I’m pretty close to a geriatric, but I realised how all the challenges and punches over the years forced me to grow up very fast and fend for myself.  But, then, I celebrated how far I’ve come regardless of the challenges, punches and predetermined expectations the status quo and that uncle had for me. I celebrated me putting myself through university, all those times I walked home after production rehearsals that ended two in the mornings.  The true friends and confidants I met along the way since leaving my hometown.  The friends and confidants who stuck with me through the highest highs and lowest lows.  Those who moulded me and forced me to not only look outside the box, but taught me to just build a new box if you don’t agree with it.  And lastly, how all the hard work has paid off over the years: I’ve been part of amazing productions (local and international) and I’ve cultivated and honed so many skills like graphic design (by myself) which I now use to work with my dynamic CN&CO family.

The aforementioned list of celebratory causes are limitless- but the point is, at 30 years old, I’m pretty darn lucky and happy how I turned out and especially fortunate and grateful to those individuals and experience that got me here. So here’s to the next 30 years being stuck with the me I am. Still a little rough around the edges, but it’s company worth investing in and would love to keep. Because, hunny, I’m at the edge of my seat to see how the next 30 plays out.  

[Side Note: On the eve of my 30th birthday I discovered this slow jam by artist Cyn. Give it a listen below. Quite fitting to this blog and speaks volumes.]